Polypaternity

July 22, 2024

Here’s a satirical take on polypaternity, parodying the concept of polyamory.

Scenario #

Suppose your relationship with your dad is loving but falls short of idyllic expectations. This isn’t attributable to paternity uncertainty; he is your biological dad, sharing 50% of his DNA.¹ So what do you do? You obviously have only two options:

• Work through existing conflicts with your dad to improve your relationship.
• Abandon the pursuit of expansive satisfaction and contentment with one dad figure, instead seeking to fill the void with multiple dad figures.

Note that the belief that a single dad can never suffice is potentially self-fulfilling. The more firmly you hold this belief, the more likely you normalize and accept a mediocre relationship, allowing it to remain unimproved.

Poly-Paternity: The Revolutionary Approach to Fatherhood #

Are you tired of the outdated, monogamous model of paternity? Do you feel constrained by society’s expectations of having just one father per child? Welcome to the world of poly-paternity, where children can have multiple dads and everyone benefits!

In poly-paternity relationships, a child is raised by a loving group of fathers, each contributing their unique skills and qualities. Why settle for one dad’s dad jokes when you can have a whole comedy troupe? With poly-paternity, you get:

• Exponential growth in Father’s Day gifts: More dads mean more ties and “#1 Dad” mugs.
• Endless supply of “Ask your father” responses: Keep the parental responsibility musical chairs going.
• Competitive dad-bodding: Watch as your fathers try to out-dad-bod each other.
• Ultimate backup for school events: Never worry about a dad missing the big game or recital again.

Remember, poly-paternity isn’t about neglecting responsibilities—it’s about sharing the joy of fatherhood with as many men as possible. After all, it takes a village to raise a child.

Join the poly-paternity revolution today and embrace the future of fatherhood!

Charting a Path #

Notes #